Poem written on November 27, 2022. Outfit worn on January 11, 2023.Disclaimer: The following poem as a whole does not represent my current relationships or their quality. It simply reflects my fears. Polyamory has been a wonderful, though challenging, adventure full...
For so long, i’ve told myself: “It isn’t love if it’s selfish”.
There’s still nothing in me that has stopped believing that’s true.
Desire paired with selfishness is only possessiveness and in action, it’s only consumption.
It’s cruel and it enslaves. It suffocates. It disregards the needs, wants, and desires of another. It inflicts pain to all involved.
But what makes something selfish, anyway?
I’m not sure i actually know….. Is everything i want automatically selfish in my mind?… everything i think i can’t have?
Have you ever felt heartache so strong, so beautiful, so wonderfully painful;
…one that makes you sigh with relief, contemplating that you’ve lived and loved to the fullest you could possibly imagine…?
I wonder all the time if i sabotaged our relationship.
Together for 5 beautiful years…Over in the blink of an eye.
Am i the villain of my own story?
There’s a long journey ahead, and i need to trailblaze the path myself. The paths society has paved do not suit me. Attempting to walk them is dangerous to me and full of strife. “Normalcy” may not exist for me and i don’t want to attempt to adhere to it anymore. I MUST figure out how to make life work with my own needs.
SO, i’m gonna build a “skoolie” to live in!
I don’t really have a place to call
“home”. That used to be an idea that would excite me and send wonderful
chills down my spine… “Alissa the nomad”. For as long as i can remember
i deeply believed that was my
one and only possible destiny;
the only thing that could ever
make me feel whole.
Now all i want is to go home.
Through the entirety of almost 5 years together, every time i looked at him or heard him laugh, i felt like i was dreaming. My fear was waking up, not breaking up.
I've been chronically exhausted since i was, like, 8 years old. I don't know why, but hopefully will soon. I'm finally getting it addressed with doctors... My psychiatrist gave me a cortisol test kit to see if i have adrenal fatigue and my primary physician referred...
Accepting weakness begets strength.
I am queen of my darkness, and equally queen of my light.
I can own my struggles, i can own my pains, i can own those emotions that feel so very close to death.
They are mine, but i am not theirs.
I can relax in who i am, moment to moment, and see beauty even in the dark and quiet.
Spending some extra time deciding on my outfits is my favorite way to recognize my emotions and prioritize my mental health.
Artistic expression has always allowed me an avenue to slow down, explore, and find beauty in the things i feel.
Sometimes connecting with my emotions feels like pure magic… I find power in being in sync with how i feel and accepting myself as i am.
I have a bold, edgy side of me that I rarely let out. I’m done being held back. I want my gentle side and my bold side to intertwine into something more beautiful. Strong, but graceful; Seeking both justice and mercy in the very same heartbeat, without contradiction.
Deep down, when choosing what to wear for a rave, we tend to embrace an ideal future persona. Our clothes reflect the future we hope for, and the “future” we feel we get to live out during our time raving.
The future i embrace is one of both technological advancements, exploration, and curiosity; and of peace, love, understanding … Hence: Space Hippie. Click to see the outfit i wore to Das Energi 2019.
My favorite form of creativity is personal style.
• It’s intimate and personal,
• It’s accessible and everybody participates in it to some extent,
• It’s with you wherever you go,
• It builds confidence,
• The options are nearly endless for expressing yourself
your way if you open yourself up to explore,
• With each passing year, we get more ideas to work with
as designers play with new silhouettes and create new fabrics.
“Where is far, far away and how do I get there?” Adventure fuels my soul, but i’ve felt incredibly stuck. I MUST maintain inner peace as the first step in any new adventure. This peaceful and adventurous outfit embodies these things.
This outfit represents mine and Cody’s relationship in this time of our lives.
Life is a story… That we get to take part in both reading and writing!
We get to create who we want to be.
We get to watch life unfold.
Let’s enjoy every page!
What do you hope to “write” in this next chapter of your life?
This holiday outfit represents pure Christmas cheer.
I pulled together thoughts of Santa and his Elves for inspiration. A charm bracelet adds the finishing touch with words from a classic favorite Christmas song: “Joy to the World”.
This elegant holiday outfit represents the quiet and tranquil moments of Winter, as Christmas gently draws closer.
I do not believe that false “joy” and stagnant “hope” are the answer…But i do believe that happiness can be discovered in little things when you feel like it’s nowhere to be found. When we’re able to find true happiness, we gain power to free ourselves, both on an emotional level and in a way that allows us to more easily work towards our goals, which will set us free on a more tangible level.
I enjoy exploring personal style in light of life stories–Our clothes are capable of speaking something deep about who we are if we allow them.
My passion is seeing people honestly, genuinely and fearlessly express themselves, and fashion is a beautiful and comfortable step in the journey of self-discovery and expression.
My desire is to help you discover the styles and pieces that best express who you are, and why that is, and give you the confidence to own that.
I’ll also mention: i don’t capitalize “i”, except for emphasis, as a statement of equality–i’m no greater than you, him, her or them…so why should i capitalize “I” and not “You”?
I’m excited for you to join me in a journey of self-discovery as we uncover why we dress the ways we do, and how we can confidently express who we are!
I challenged myself at the beginning of this week to stop being lazy about my outfits just because i have nowhere to go, and instead start getting dressed up in clothes that make me feel good about myself that day.
I was surprised just how much more empowered i’ve been feeling with this simple task. By putting on clothes i love, and doing so for no apparent reason besides deciding i want to, i’ve also been putting on confidence.
What do you think? Will you try getting #AllDressedUp this week and see what it does for you?
I’m surprised at just how much more capable i feel as a blogger. I took a chance with this series, hoping it would lift my spirits some… And it did. I don’t feel incapable and stuck as i did back on day 1. I’m excited about the future of this blog!
The day didn’t start out fantastic, but…I’m going to be fair to myself, with a focus on self-care and making sure i’m comfortable–first and foremost–while still pushing myself to do all that is necessary so that i feel accomplished at the end of the day.
So i’ll start off with comfy clothes and accepting that this post is being published later than the other ones were.
Oops. Two days in a row the title is not true. My family is going out this afternoon to see a play, and i decided to go with them. Funny how the week i decide to dress up despite having nowhere to go, i actually have places to go, huh?
As you know, if you’ve been reading my previous posts: i’ve been dressing up every day this week, despite being home all the time, in an effort to keep me from getting depressed.
Today is actually the “weekend” for me and my boyfriend, Cody… And we might want to enjoy some time away from the house. So, i might be dressing up with somewhere to go afterall!
Starting your day off with one little thing that oozes confidence can go a long way in positively impacting your day–i think that’s why dressing up is helping me so far…plus, by dressing up, you’re carrying that confidence right over your skin….it’s close and touchable, and therefore easier to remember. If you feel comfortable in your own skin, it’s a little easier to feel comfortable with your mind and your soul.
A lot of people envy a work-at-home life, sitting around in pajamas all day. But i can’t stand this anymore. Though i’ve always known i don’t work my best unless i get up and dressed, i’ve still gotten caught in this lazy cycle.
So, this week, i decided i’m going to get all dressed up, even though i have nowhere to go.
Maybe this will help me, maybe it won’t. Maybe it will just give me more to panic over. But i figure it couldn’t be worse than just sitting around, having given up on trying.
Poshmark is a simple to use, social, fashion-buying-and-selling platform, particularly for creative fashion-enthusiasts–think Ebay meets Instagram. But way better. (At least in my opinion!) 🙂
An outfit styling based on the kind of person i want to be and qualities i hope to grow in this season of my life. Serenity, gentleness…Peace with myself and the world around me. Remembering my own past, but not letting it be the main thing to shape me. Allowing myself to grow, but not being angry about where i am at.
Loosely inspired by traditional Japanese style and ideals.
I think honesty is important. Especially when it has to do with your emotional well being. I've been dealing with depression and huge personal changes. I don't feel capable of writing anything else on this blog if i don't open up about this. 2016 was a rough year for...
Some specific articles of clothing just have a way of communicating who we personally are. They have a defining quality to them. Another person may not relate in the same way to the pieces you consider to be defining; but to you, it speaks you.