Relational Sabotage.

Written on January 3rd, 2020. Outfit worn on October 1st, 2020.

Relational Sabotage Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog edgy sporty romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup love villain obsession loss Quote
I wonder all the time if i sabotaged our relationship.

Together for 5 beautiful years…Over in the blink of an eye.

Am i the villain of my own story?

Beautiful Heartache Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog edgy sporty romantic outfit 3 scaled
Beautiful Heartache Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog edgy sporty romantic outfit 2 scaled
Beautiful Heartache Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog edgy sporty romantic outfit 5.jpg
Beautiful Heartache Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog edgy sporty romantic outfit 4 scaled
Beautiful Heartache Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog edgy sporty romantic outfit 6 scaled
I must’ve done something horrible for it to end. For the safest place i’ve ever known to be made unavailable to return to. For his love to dissolve.

Did something in me insist I didn’t deserve to be happy? Did something in me force our end?

Beautiful Heartache Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog edgy sporty romantic outfit 7 scaled
Beautiful Heartache Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog edgy sporty romantic outfit 10.jpg
Beautiful Heartache Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog edgy sporty romantic outfit 9 scaled
My mind churns, trying to smooth out fact from fiction… Somehow, i can only make myself out to be the bad guy. My failures overwhelming my entire being, becoming all i can see.
Beautiful Heartache Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog edgy sporty romantic outfit 12 scaled
Beautiful Heartache Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog edgy sporty romantic outfit 13 scaled
Beautiful Heartache Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog edgy sporty romantic outfit 11 scaled
Beautiful Heartache Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog edgy sporty romantic outfit 14 scaled
Beautiful Heartache Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog edgy sporty romantic outfit 20 scaled
Stuff piles up when life is swallowing you whole. Important things get left undone.

But i still should’ve known better. I know fully well what matters to him. So why did i fail to care enough?

My priorities weren’t where we longed for them to be. I focused on striving to rediscover purpose and hope…..and didn’t even find it. Our relationship was put on the back burner…. No–it was taken off the stove entirely.

Who’s the bad guy? Probably neither of us. Maybe both of us. My goals were ultimately good. His needs were still important. We both failed to see each other clearly.

Beautiful Heartache Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog edgy sporty romantic outfit 17 scaled
Beautiful Heartache Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog edgy sporty romantic outfit 21 scaled
Beautiful Heartache Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog edgy sporty romantic outfit 15 scaled
Beautiful Heartache Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog edgy sporty romantic outfit 19 scaled
Beautiful Heartache Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog edgy sporty romantic outfit 16 scaled

A couple works together. A couple communicates needs. At some point we stopped. Essentially roommates… And not very good ones.

We were so good before. Then the stresses of life wore us down until we were no longer “us” but “me and you”. A couple of individuals under the same roof. Barely familiar any longer.

My mission to find myself ultimately led to sabotaging us. It didn’t have to.

Beautiful Heartache Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog edgy sporty romantic outfit 25 scaled
Beautiful Heartache Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog edgy sporty romantic outfit 23 scaled
Beautiful Heartache Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog edgy sporty romantic outfit 18 scaled
Beautiful Heartache Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog edgy sporty romantic outfit 24 scaled
Beautiful Heartache Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog edgy sporty romantic outfit 22 scaled
I didn’t mean for our relationship to die. I didn’t mean for our needs to go unfulfilled. I didn’t mean to fall to obsession and lose everything in the process of finding nothing.

Now my new obsession is questioning how we failed. It will bring me to ruin once again.

“It Isn’t Love If It’s Selfish” – An Outfit Representing Lost Love and Vulnerability

“It Isn’t Love If It’s Selfish” – An Outfit Representing Lost Love and Vulnerability

For so long, i’ve told myself: “It isn’t love if it’s selfish”.

There’s still nothing in me that has stopped believing that’s true.

Desire paired with selfishness is only possessiveness and in action, it’s only consumption.

It’s cruel and it enslaves. It suffocates. It disregards the needs, wants, and desires of another. It inflicts pain to all involved.

But what makes something selfish, anyway?
I’m not sure i actually know….. Is everything i want automatically selfish in my mind?… everything i think i can’t have?

Pin It on Pinterest

Shares
Share This
%d bloggers like this: