Open letter written on September 4th, 2020. Outfit worn on June 24th, 2020.

It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss Quote
For so long, i’ve told myself: “It isn’t love if it’s selfish”.

It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 16 scaled
It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 9 scaled
It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 19 scaled

There’s still nothing in me that has stopped believing that’s true.

It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 3 scaled

Desire paired with selfishness is only possessiveness and in action, it’s only consumption.

It’s cruel and it enslaves. It suffocates. It disregards the needs, wants, and desires of another. It inflicts pain to all involved.

It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 6
It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 5 scaled
It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 12

But what makes something selfish, anyway?
I’m not sure i actually know….. Is everything i want automatically selfish in my mind?… everything i think i can’t have?

It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 8 scaled

These beliefs have caused me to give up on fighting for what is lost.

It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 2

If desire or adoration–of any kind–isn’t reciprocal, i’ve considered it vile.

I’ve told myself that even if it once was mutual, it isn’t noble to try and rekindle it. That would be a selfish act for a lost cause.

It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 13 scaled

This has brought me an immense amount of fear, pain, and self-loathing.

It has caused me to withhold from telling you just how deeply i adore you, and just how deeply i grieve.

I’ve gotten through these last few months by repeatedly shaming myself with those words.

“It isn’t love if it’s selfish. It isn’t love if it’s selfish…”

It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 14

Trying to snap myself out of feeling or wanting anything.

All it’s done is stunt my grieving process…it took me too long to realize how much i was hurting myself with it.

I need to love myself, too.

It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 11 scaled
It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 10 scaled
It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 18 scaled

As i discover what it looks like for me to be healthy, happy, and emotionally and mentally sound, i’m realizing more and more just how much i keep bottling up how i feel and trying to pretend my feelings don’t exist. Even (especially?) when they are positive feelings.

(How many times do i have to relearn this until it becomes a solid, stupid, simple habit? I don’t know.)

It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 4 scaled

Aside from the mass amount of fears and self-neglect i need to work through (and am currently, furiously fighting to improve)–the feelings that are most pertinent are in admiration, adoration, and care for you.

In all our 5 years knowing each other, there hasn’t been so much as a moment where the growth of these feelings has so much as slowed down.

It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 7 scaled

I’m finally telling myself that just because how i feel may not result in anything or have any benefit, doesn’t mean it’s selfish for me to feel it or express it.

I never imagined i could adore anybody so much.

I never knew i could feel so loved and so deeply cared about–Even by somebody who is no longer my romantic partner.

It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 1 scaled
It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 20 scaled
It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 17 scaled

You’re the greatest friend i could ever hope for, and i don’t know what i would do without you.

Yet there’s absolutely nothing i want more than–and absolutely nothing i wouldn’t give up for–a chance to love you completely and fully for the rest of my life.

I drive myself crazy thinking about how foolish that makes me feel, and trying to bury it all.

But i’ll say it. I’ll let it out without fear of whether it’s useful to say or not. Or whether it’s selfish.

I don’t want to live a life where i don’t get to be by your side.

It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 2 1

I can’t keep telling myself to bury that thought and pretend i don’t feel as pained as i do.

I can’t keep telling myself that it’s evil of me to long for the love that we had.

I don’t know that how i feel will ever go away… I truly don’t believe it will.

It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 15 scaled
Trailblazing – An Outfit Representing Paving My Own Journey

Trailblazing – An Outfit Representing Paving My Own Journey

There’s a long journey ahead, and i need to trailblaze the path myself. The paths society has paved do not suit me. Attempting to walk them is dangerous to me and full of strife. “Normalcy” may not exist for me and i don’t want to attempt to adhere to it anymore. I MUST figure out how to make life work with my own needs.
SO, i’m gonna build a “skoolie” to live in!

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Dressing Up With Nowhere to Go – Day 7

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I challenged myself at the beginning of this week to stop being lazy about my outfits just because i have nowhere to go, and instead start getting dressed up in clothes that make me feel good about myself that day.

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I was surprised just how much more empowered i’ve been feeling with this simple task. By putting on clothes i love, and doing so for no apparent reason besides deciding i want to, i’ve also been putting on confidence.

What do you think? Will you try getting #AllDressedUp this week and see what it does for you?

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Fashion + Self Love Party: Savvy is Classy – A Sweet Mess in a Dress

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Guest post by Deanna from Lucky.Love.Life.
I’ve never been one to believe that you have to spend a paycheck to look nice.
You don’t need an $850 dress, or pair of shoes, or handbag, to fit in or look amazing. Buy what makes you feel cute and inspired but remember your life is about experiences, not things. You need confidence, charisma, and a rockin’ smile. No matter what you are wearing, you’ll be dressed to the nines.

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Fashion + Self Love Party: Curbing Unhealthy Spending & Loving the Wardrobe You Already Have

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Guest post by Lindsey from Have Clothes, Will Travel.
Living in a day and age where everywhere we turn there is pressure to buy the latest and greatest fashion makes it very easy to fall into the “retail therapy” trap. And to make it even more difficult, our brain actually releases the pleasure-inducing chemical dopamine when you buy something new…
…getting addicted to this high is not only bad for your overall self-esteem, it can, obviously, be very damaging to your wallet.
However, I’ve taken a few measures to correct this…
… the trick to it all is creating the illusion you have a ton of clothes by swapping out key pieces when styling your outfits with clothes you already own.

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Color Psychology Questionnaire

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Many people have spoken on this topic, and i will do my best to compile the best and most applicable research i can find. But, especially because written knowledge on this topic is so saturated, and can be very opinionated because of personal and cultural differences, i don’t want to begin with simply passing on information. To me, it matters more that this is a discovery process for each of us…How do we as individuals perceive each color? How do they make you feel? Live data is so much more fun and personal! It will help me to create more relatable posts for you.

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Warm Colors – Color Psychology Questionnaire Results

The following post is part of a series on how colors affect us. Much of the information contained is thanks to my wonderful readers who took the time to think about how they feel about various colors, submitting their opinions into my questionnaire. My hope is that it...

Serenity -Outfit Styling Based on Desirable Qualities

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An outfit styling based on the kind of person i want to be and qualities i hope to grow in this season of my life. Serenity, gentleness…Peace with myself and the world around me. Remembering my own past, but not letting it be the main thing to shape me. Allowing myself to grow, but not being angry about where i am at.
Loosely inspired by traditional Japanese style and ideals.

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I’ll Be Honest – Fashion and Depression

I think honesty is important. Especially when it has to do with your emotional well being. I've been dealing with depression and huge personal changes. I don't feel capable of writing anything else on this blog if i don't open up about this. 2016 was a rough year for...

Never Have I Ever – #FashionSelfLoveParty Game – Fashion Blunders Edition

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Never Have I Ever – Fashion Blunders Edition!
We’re about to get REAL…

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The most honest people win!
1 point for everything you HAVE done.
Share: How many points did you get?
Which one do you think is the hardest to overcome?

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Cool Colors – Color Psychology Questionnaire Results

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Never Have I Ever – #FashionSelfLoveParty Game – Self-Care Edition

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Never Have i Ever – Self-Care Edition.

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1 point for everything you HAVE done!
Have you made good progress in taking better care of yourself?
Share: How many points did you get??
What are you missing?…Which one will you work on today?

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Guest Post: Gender Neutral Clothing and Gender Fluidity

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Guest post by Kelsey Davis from The Lux Authority:
Everyone claims their own unique style, but only some have been able to do so without the fear of ridicule. Gender neutrality is not something new, but the specialized clothing is and will undoubtedly continue to succeed, shape lives, and overturn viscous stigmas.

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Neutral Colors – Color Psychology Questionnaire Results

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How to Analyze and Recreate a Character-Based Outfit

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Whether it’s for Halloween, Disney-bounding on vacation, or just for the fun of putting together an outfit that’s inspired by a favorite movie, TV, video game, or book character–I think we all enjoy getting into somebody else’s shoes every once in a while.

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This post will be looking not only at how to get the aesthetics right, but also at how to use character traits and storyline for inspiration, so we can get to the heart of the character we are portraying.

So, here are 8 aspects of costume and character design to consider before creating your character-based outfit:

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Witchy Hats for Halloween and Beyond

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Whether you’re shopping for a Halloween costume or updating your day-to-day wardrobe, a good witch hat will help you embrace your inner magick like no other accessory!

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Browse and shop my curated lists below for witchy hats that are elegantly classic enough to take you through this Halloween season and beyond!

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Green and Red, The Colors Of Christmas

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Dots of red and green lights outline the houses all down your street. These colors turn up everywhere you look this season, in the form of ornaments, giftwrap, holiday dresses–Just to name a few. Even outside of the winter season, pairing green with red almost immediately elicits thoughts of Christmas cheer.

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But why are red and green THE Christmas colors of choice?

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How to Dress Like Ariel

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Want to dress like Ariel? Here’s how to analyze Ariel from The Little Mermaid so you can create a costume or outfit inspired by her.

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Attitude & Artistry: A Style Story Interview with Kader | + Thoughts on Culture, Confidence, and Compassion

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“I think the most iconic thing [about my style] is my attitude. I grew up in a culture where women are expected to wear certain things and expected to behave in certain ways  … The more I found myself internally, the more it is reflected to the outside world. I’m confident, outgoing, friendly, and open minded and when it comes to my style I feel like I project the same characteristics.”  –  Kader

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Kader oozes confidence, charm, and creativity in every outfit she wears. She appreciates beauty and beyond the surface, she holds a universe of profound thoughts and a heart of gold.

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Color Psychology Questionnaire Results

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It was so enjoyable reading all of your answers on the color psychology questionnaire! I’m excited to share with you the results, as well as further color psychology research to complement our study (just a little)! Some were surprising (Could orange be peaceful?; Could yellow be boring?), and others were pretty by-the-book, universally relatable (Red is passionate; Blue ranks as the top liked color; Gray is reminiscent of cloudy skies and seasonal depression).

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Vibrant Urban Poet: A Style Story Interview with Tajinder Kaur | + Punjabi Culture and Sparking Conversation Through Clothes

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“No matter what style I choose to wear, whether it’s streetwear or a whimsical style, colour and confidence will always be present.” – Tajinder Kaur

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Tajinder is determined, talented, genuine, beautiful, and has a unique and vivid sense of style. What first brought her blog to my attention is the mix of her quirky style along with her beautifully raw poetry–It’s an example of a fashion blog that is truly a “must-read” and not just a “must-view”.

Read her Style Story to learn more about her:

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Fashion + Self Love Party: For the Love of the Gram – A Short Guide for Increasing Self-Love Despite Social Media Influence

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Guest post by Savana from Official Savana Rae.
Instagram has so much interesting content and impressive content creators. However, the bar is set very high. When the bar is set as high as it is, growing may become an issue. It mainly drives attention to the biggest accounts–which undermines the rest no matter how good your content may be.

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I have noticed that a lot of people have been affected by this, and a big loss in confidence has increased in my fellow influencers and those who follow me.

I want to give you some self-love advice that I myself follow when I feel low, because let’s face it–we all have THOSE days.

This guide to increase self-love is one that I find incredibly useful, as my mom reminds most days that we all need to love ourselves first so that we can be at peace. Think about it this way, if you didn’t love yourself, how can you feel at peace?

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Sweetness of Love – An Outfit Symbolizing Our Relationship

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This outfit represents mine and Cody’s relationship in this time of our lives.

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Dressing Up With Nowhere to Go – Day 4

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Oops. Two days in a row the title is not true. My family is going out this afternoon to see a play, and i decided to go with them. Funny how the week i decide to dress up despite having nowhere to go, i actually have places to go, huh?

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Pages – An Outfit Representing a New Chapter of Life

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Life is a story… That we get to take part in both reading and writing!
We get to create who we want to be.
We get to watch life unfold.
Let’s enjoy every page!
What do you hope to “write” in this next chapter of your life?

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Whispers of Christmas – Holiday Outfit

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This elegant holiday outfit represents the quiet and tranquil moments of Winter, as Christmas gently draws closer.

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Dressing Up With Nowhere to Go – Day 6

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I’m surprised at just how much more capable i feel as a blogger. I took a chance with this series, hoping it would lift my spirits some… And it did. I don’t feel incapable and stuck as i did back on day 1. I’m excited about the future of this blog!

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Joy to the World – Holiday Outfit

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This holiday outfit represents pure Christmas cheer.
I pulled together thoughts of Santa and his Elves for inspiration. A charm bracelet adds the finishing touch with words from a classic favorite Christmas song: “Joy to the World”.

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The Strength of Accepting Weakness

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Accepting weakness begets strength.

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I am queen of my darkness, and equally queen of my light.

I can own my struggles, i can own my pains, i can own those emotions that feel so very close to death.

They are mine, but i am not theirs.

I can relax in who i am, moment to moment, and see beauty even in the dark and quiet.

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Dressing Up With Nowhere to Go – Day 2

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Starting your day off with one little thing that oozes confidence can go a long way in positively impacting your day–i think that’s why dressing up is helping me so far…plus, by dressing up, you’re carrying that confidence right over your skin….it’s close and touchable, and therefore easier to remember. If you feel comfortable in your own skin, it’s a little easier to feel comfortable with your mind and your soul.

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I Didn’t Mean to Let Our Relationship Die – An Outfit Representing Relational Sabotage

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I wonder all the time if i sabotaged our relationship.

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Together for 5 beautiful years…Over in the blink of an eye.

Am i the villain of my own story?

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Connecting With Emotion

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Spending some extra time deciding on my outfits is my favorite way to recognize my emotions and prioritize my mental health.
Artistic expression has always allowed me an avenue to slow down, explore, and find beauty in the things i feel.
Sometimes connecting with my emotions feels like pure magic… I find power in being in sync with how i feel and accepting myself as i am.

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