Love is the Greatest Adventure.

Written in September 2020. Outfit worn on September 3rd, 2020.

Your Love Was My Favorite Adventure Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog adventurous romantic outfit 1
I’ve been frustrated and extremely careful not to ask myself, “What do you want?” because the answer is always and immediately: “To go home to Cody.”

Not so much the bus (that i want to turn into a tiny house) and the adventurous life, not to travel the entire world and experience everything under the sun, not even to meet interesting people and hear their stories or to set out to change the world into something more understanding, empathetic and fair. Things i thought i wanted more than anything–things i KNOW i still do want deep down.

I remind myself of those things and my natural response to them is now: “Well, i guess that could maybe, possibly be nice…”

I’ve become largely uninterested in it all. Becuase i don’t have what i want most.
It. Sucks. It’s dumb. I wish i could change how i feel with a snap of my fingers…But that’s unreasonable.
Break ups suck.
Things i forever thought i desired, existed for, needed in order to have a life worth living… They feel minuscule and uninspiring, lacking life and warmth.
don’t get home sick…..

…Or, at least i didn’t.

This is a sickness i never could have imagined. A longing that devours all other longings.

It nauseates me, it makes me feel weak and lightheaded and unable to think straight. It hurts like nothing else.

And all it is is a desire for a return trip. Longing for an uncomfortable journey to be over.

Never once have i ever had these feelings about even the most grueling moments of an adventure.

I’ve always taken the worst as part of the beauty of the journey. I’ve always been left excited, relentless in pursuit of what’s around the bend. Forever unwilling to return to the mundane.

That no longer comes as easy. I long too restlessly for the comfort of his arms.

..To “go home to Cody”, though?… To a place that i logically know is not my home?

–but my heart keeps screaming that it is, that wherever he is, is home, and it won’t shut up.

Your Love Was My Favorite Adventure Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog adventurous romantic outfit scaled
I don’t really have a place to call home.

Next thing i know, i’ll finally be on the road…Genuinely without a permanent, traditional home.

That used to be an idea that would excite me and send wonderful chills down my spine…

“Alissa the nomad”.

For as long as i can remember i deeply believed that was my one and only possible destiny, the only thing that could ever make me feel whole. Reckless adventures. A life full of this elusive, so-called, “meaning”. Even a life that might end in a tragic, early death–*that* somehow comforted me most of all.

I’ve realized that dreaming of adventure was the main coping mechanism i clung to using because i didn’t feel safe. The idea of throwing myself into potential danger made me feel in control.

Now it’s begun to feel like my only choice. Something almost purely practical. I want to really want it again–I’m back to needing it for a (mostly false) sense of security–but it’s hard to step away from real security after you finally had it.
Knowing Cody brought me contentment for the first time in my life and an immense feeling of safety, stability, and comfort that i never knew was possible–or desirable. He made me want to stop running away. I felt at home for the first time.
To go back to running away feels foolish.
And incredibly empty.
But what can i do?
It feels equally foolish to hope, though. To act like i have any right to try. To act like anything can or should be repaired.

Even though our problems feel so small to me…

I have to accept and move forward.

…”What do you want, Alissa?”…… That’s the question with the answers that only make me feel dejected and afraid.
But it’s not healthy to have to avoid asking myself what i hope for out of life.
I’m working to rediscover all new things to be glad to live for. It’s harder than it ought to be. I had what i didn’t know i wanted most.
I know i am capable of finding happiness, though i don’t always believe it…I just wish i could still stand close beside the person with whom i felt the happiest i’ve ever felt in my life.
There’s nothing the world could offer that i could want more.
I already found happiness, and now i grieve it.
The only adventures i truly need are the beautifully simple day-to-day ones…
In my eyes, what we had was perfect.

Exploring the depths of your personality, your mind, your heart…That was a journey in and of itself. A road that never reached an end.

Cody, your love was my favorite adventure.
Your Love Was My Favorite Adventure Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog adventurous romantic outfit 4 scaled
“It Isn’t Love If It’s Selfish” – An Outfit Representing Lost Love and Vulnerability

“It Isn’t Love If It’s Selfish” – An Outfit Representing Lost Love and Vulnerability

For so long, i’ve told myself: “It isn’t love if it’s selfish”.

There’s still nothing in me that has stopped believing that’s true.

Desire paired with selfishness is only possessiveness and in action, it’s only consumption.

It’s cruel and it enslaves. It suffocates. It disregards the needs, wants, and desires of another. It inflicts pain to all involved.

But what makes something selfish, anyway?
I’m not sure i actually know….. Is everything i want automatically selfish in my mind?… everything i think i can’t have?

More Mental Health Blog Posts:

Confidence and Self Love – Encouragement From Imaan at The August Clause

Confidence is an interesting thing, isn’t it? Some seem to shine with it, and with ease. Others feel they’ll never find it. But really, all of us deal with a lack of it from time to time. It comes and goes. We can be so hard on ourselves, and that attitude of shame then easily permeates the rest of our lives. We need to learn to love ourselves. And love is a continuous action…so sometimes we have to learn again and again.

Fashion + Self Love Party: Uplift Your Confidence and Self-Esteem with Fashion

Guest post by Lia from A Southern Girl, Lia.
Fashion and the clothes you choose reflect and affect your mood and attitude.
The magic begins when you find a super cute outfit, you put it on grab some heels and Bam! You see a different person in the mirror and so you start acting like one too. Your confidence starts showing and you start building a high self-esteem. Don’t forget that little dance we all do in front of the mirror when we are feeling fabulous.
I hope that my step by step routine is of help to you!

Never Have I Ever – #FashionSelfLoveParty Game – Self-Care Edition

Never Have i Ever – Self-Care Edition.

1 point for everything you HAVE done!
Have you made good progress in taking better care of yourself?
Share: How many points did you get??
What are you missing?…Which one will you work on today?

Sketches of Anxiousness – My Anxiety-Inspired Fashion Collection

I felt inspired to bring how i was feeling onto paper in the form of conceptual fashion sketches.

I thought i’d share them with you for two reasons:
1. To give hope that you’re not alone and that others understand what you’re going through.

2. To shed light on what mental health issues feel like–anxiety in particular–and hopefully bring in some more understanding and sympathy.

Neutral Colors – Color Psychology Questionnaire Results

The following post is part of a series on how colors affect us. Much of the information contained is thanks to my wonderful readers who took the time to think about how they feel about various colors, submitting their opinions into my questionnaire. My hope is that it...

Fashion + Self Love Party: How To Fall In Love With Yourself This Valentine’s Day!

Guest post by Lena from Lena Dee XO.
Valentine’s is fast approaching and more than often we’re caught up on having a love life with someone else. I bet you sometimes forget it’s okay to be madly in love with yourself and the person you’re becoming. I’m here to remind you NOW is the time to embrace yourself!

I’ll Be Honest – Fashion and Depression

I think honesty is important. Especially when it has to do with your emotional well being. I've been dealing with depression and huge personal changes. I don't feel capable of writing anything else on this blog if i don't open up about this. 2016 was a rough year for...

Never Have I Ever – #FashionSelfLoveParty Game – Fashion Blunders Edition

Never Have I Ever – Fashion Blunders Edition!
We’re about to get REAL…

The most honest people win!
1 point for everything you HAVE done.
Share: How many points did you get?
Which one do you think is the hardest to overcome?

The Strength of Accepting Weakness

Accepting weakness begets strength.

I am queen of my darkness, and equally queen of my light.

I can own my struggles, i can own my pains, i can own those emotions that feel so very close to death.

They are mine, but i am not theirs.

I can relax in who i am, moment to moment, and see beauty even in the dark and quiet.

Fashion + Self Love Party: For the Love of the Gram – A Short Guide for Increasing Self-Love Despite Social Media Influence

Guest post by Savana from Official Savana Rae.
Instagram has so much interesting content and impressive content creators. However, the bar is set very high. When the bar is set as high as it is, growing may become an issue. It mainly drives attention to the biggest accounts–which undermines the rest no matter how good your content may be.

I have noticed that a lot of people have been affected by this, and a big loss in confidence has increased in my fellow influencers and those who follow me.

I want to give you some self-love advice that I myself follow when I feel low, because let’s face it–we all have THOSE days.

This guide to increase self-love is one that I find incredibly useful, as my mom reminds most days that we all need to love ourselves first so that we can be at peace. Think about it this way, if you didn’t love yourself, how can you feel at peace?

More Fashion-Philosophy:

Getting Back Into A Confident, Healthy Flow in 2021 and 2022

After almost two years of pandemic craziness, if you’re ready to get back out there and live your life, you need to do it with confidence. And to do that, you need to take steps to improve your health, wellbeing, and overall quality of life. Lawrence Mager and Story Behind The Cloth have listed some simple tips for how you can do just that:

How to Dress Like Ariel

Want to dress like Ariel? Here’s how to analyze Ariel from The Little Mermaid so you can create a costume or outfit inspired by her.

Happiness Is Freedom

I do not believe that false “joy” and stagnant “hope” are the answer…But i do believe that happiness can be discovered in little things when you feel like it’s nowhere to be found. When we’re able to find true happiness, we gain power to free ourselves, both on an emotional level and in a way that allows us to more easily work towards our goals, which will set us free on a more tangible level.

7 Mistakes That Kill Your Outfit

Picture yourself:
Pulling one piece of clothing out of your closet after another, glancing at each one before frustratedly throwing each one to the side with a huff of disappointment. After nearly pulling your hair out in frustration, you’ve finally settled on what to wear. You’re ready to face the world… Or are you? 

In this post, you will find seven things that will ruin your outfit… A forewarning that can give you direction away from what not to do.

Guest Post: Gender Neutral Clothing and Gender Fluidity

Guest post by Kelsey Davis from The Lux Authority:
Everyone claims their own unique style, but only some have been able to do so without the fear of ridicule. Gender neutrality is not something new, but the specialized clothing is and will undoubtedly continue to succeed, shape lives, and overturn viscous stigmas.

Fashion Anthropology: What Is THAT?

Anthropology is the study of humans. Fashion Anthropology uses clothing as a lens to understand who we are as people. Here’s how:

I’ll Be Honest – Fashion and Depression

I think honesty is important. Especially when it has to do with your emotional well being. I've been dealing with depression and huge personal changes. I don't feel capable of writing anything else on this blog if i don't open up about this. 2016 was a rough year for...

Fashion + Self Love Party: How To Fall In Love With Yourself This Valentine’s Day!

Guest post by Lena from Lena Dee XO.
Valentine’s is fast approaching and more than often we’re caught up on having a love life with someone else. I bet you sometimes forget it’s okay to be madly in love with yourself and the person you’re becoming. I’m here to remind you NOW is the time to embrace yourself!

Winner of #QuaintBehindTheCloth Challenge 2022

You voted for your favorite Quaint outfits…See who won!

Classy Colorful Confidence: A Style Story Interview with Shannon Holmes | + Thoughts on Building Confidence, Alabama Culture, and The Beauty of Kindness

Shannon is a cheerful wife, mom, grandmother, and Realtor who lives and works in the Birmingham and Auburn areas of Alabama. She enjoys sharing her love for fashion, color, and life on her Instagram @StyleShenanigens.
Her confidence is unwavering, every day is an opportunity to be her best, and it truly shows in the playful professionalism of each outfit she wears. Her classy silhouettes elude her high standards for herself, and every pop of color gives way to her warm, open personality and kindheartedness. She’s incredibly sweet, passionate about life and people, and her upbeat attitude is inspiring.

Styles You’ll Enjoy If You Liked This Outfit:

#QuaintBehindTheCloth Style Challenge 2022 – Vote for Your Favorites!

View and vote for your favorite enteries to the #QuaintBehindTheCloth outfit designing challenge! Who do you think will win?

Winner of #QuaintBehindTheCloth Challenge 2022

You voted for your favorite Quaint outfits…See who won!

Trailblazing – An Outfit Representing Paving My Own Journey

There’s a long journey ahead, and i need to trailblaze the path myself. The paths society has paved do not suit me. Attempting to walk them is dangerous to me and full of strife. “Normalcy” may not exist for me and i don’t want to attempt to adhere to it anymore. I MUST figure out how to make life work with my own needs.
SO, i’m gonna build a “skoolie” to live in!

Pages – An Outfit Representing a New Chapter of Life

Life is a story… That we get to take part in both reading and writing!
We get to create who we want to be.
We get to watch life unfold.
Let’s enjoy every page!
What do you hope to “write” in this next chapter of your life?

“It Isn’t Love If It’s Selfish” – An Outfit Representing Lost Love and Vulnerability

For so long, i’ve told myself: “It isn’t love if it’s selfish”.

There’s still nothing in me that has stopped believing that’s true.

Desire paired with selfishness is only possessiveness and in action, it’s only consumption.

It’s cruel and it enslaves. It suffocates. It disregards the needs, wants, and desires of another. It inflicts pain to all involved.

But what makes something selfish, anyway?
I’m not sure i actually know….. Is everything i want automatically selfish in my mind?… everything i think i can’t have?

Dressing Up With Nowhere to Go – Day 4

Oops. Two days in a row the title is not true. My family is going out this afternoon to see a play, and i decided to go with them. Funny how the week i decide to dress up despite having nowhere to go, i actually have places to go, huh?

Where is Far, Far Away and How Do i Get There? | Peaceful and Adventurous OotD

“Where is far, far away and how do I get there?” Adventure fuels my soul, but i’ve felt incredibly stuck. I MUST maintain inner peace as the first step in any new adventure. This peaceful and adventurous outfit embodies these things.

Happiness Is Freedom

I do not believe that false “joy” and stagnant “hope” are the answer…But i do believe that happiness can be discovered in little things when you feel like it’s nowhere to be found. When we’re able to find true happiness, we gain power to free ourselves, both on an emotional level and in a way that allows us to more easily work towards our goals, which will set us free on a more tangible level.

Connecting With Emotion

Spending some extra time deciding on my outfits is my favorite way to recognize my emotions and prioritize my mental health.
Artistic expression has always allowed me an avenue to slow down, explore, and find beauty in the things i feel.
Sometimes connecting with my emotions feels like pure magic… I find power in being in sync with how i feel and accepting myself as i am.

Quaint Fashion Deals: Deep Discounts on Mori Kei and Cabincore Style Clothing

Quaint Style is charming, peaceful, sweet, and independent. Based off Mori-Kei and Cabincore/Cottagecore, It’s quirky but cozy…fit for a princess who’s grown accustomed to being lost in the woods.

Enjoy these quaint products at sales prices over 40% off while you can!

I regularly curate this page, so come back again to browse more newly discounted products in a few weeks.

Pin It on Pinterest

Shares
Share This
%d bloggers like this: