Accepting weakness begets strength.
I began my day depressed and anxious and exhausted as soon as i woke up.
I didn’t want to go to group therapy– i just wanted to wallow in frustration and go back to sleep.
But i recognized my responsibility to myself and my mental health.
I can’t force my emotions to change by the snap of my fingers or a fake smile…
…so i decided to embrace my darker feelings and allow myself to feel however i do throughout the day…
…while still adhering to my responsibilities to my well-being. (Including taking a PRN anxiety medication to help me better manage my stress..)
You can even see it in my outfit!
Especially my earrings…
I am queen of my darkness, and equally queen of my light.
I can own my struggles, i can own my pains, i can own those emotions that feel so very close to death.
They are mine, but i am not theirs.
I can relax in who i am, moment to moment, and see beauty even in the dark and quiet.
I aimed only to allow myself to feel, even if the feelings are dark.
I expected myself to be tired and mostly disengaged at group, but present.
….But, you know the funny thing?
I got to group,
I saw the beauty in the people around me, in spite of their traumas, weaknesses, doubts, pains, and very present darknesses.
So much beauty. So much pain. But so much hope, just barely in sight, for each of us.
The beauty of their stories and their vulnerabilities brought about connection and reassurance.
I became so glad i came to the group.
My own darknesses faded to the background,
–Still there, but as a dark canvas, ready to contrast with an image of bright, brilliant colors–
Replaced by a HAPPY, bubbly, talkative, supportive version of myself that i’ve only rarely gotten to experience.
I’m learning to love that girl– That happy-go-lucky but insightful version of me.
…as i’m also learning to love that broken, righteously angry, introspective, and compassionate me.
She is one and the same.
Beautiful and whole.
Strong through weakness.
Compassionate through pain.
Read More of Alissa’s Style Journey:
Spending some extra time deciding on my outfits is my favorite way to recognize my emotions and prioritize my mental health.
Artistic expression has always allowed me an avenue to slow down, explore, and find beauty in the things i feel.
Sometimes connecting with my emotions feels like pure magic… I find power in being in sync with how i feel and accepting myself as i am.
I have a bold, edgy side of me that I rarely let out. I’m done being held back. I want my gentle side and my bold side to intertwine into something more beautiful. Strong, but graceful; Seeking both justice and mercy in the very same heartbeat, without contradiction.
Deep down, when choosing what to wear for a rave, we tend to embrace an ideal future persona. Our clothes reflect the future we hope for, and the “future” we feel we get to live out during our time raving.
The future i embrace is one of both technological advancements, exploration, and curiosity; and of peace, love, understanding … Hence: Space Hippie. Click to see the outfit i wore to Das Energi 2019.