I’m exhausted.

After over two weeks since the party ended–I’m stilled exhausted.

I learned and grew so much from hosting this party…But there were so many behind-the-scenes details that swallowed more time than i could have imagined when the party planning began. I piled too much extra onto my plate (games, testing different marketing efforts, an exclusive email campaign with daily challenges and freebies, etc), in attempt to make the party extra special, in a timeframe i didn’t know was unreasonable. I’m still happy with what was accomplished and how it was done–but i wish i could’ve had better foresight to know i could’ve used more time to prepare!

I expected to have everything scheduled and ready-to-go before the party started on February 1st so that i could peacefully celebrate fashion and self-love with you all–but i was still scrambling to pull the final details together, day-to-day, until the day before the party ended:

In spite of half of the posts and most of the readable content being created by this year’s lovely team of 14 guest bloggers, my work-load was at least 3x more than i had anticipated–consisting of over 500 hours glued to my computer screen, between the end of December and the 14th of February; a couple all-nighters (up and working for over 40 hours) and all-too-many insomia-laden nights; many days of white cheddar Cheez-its for my daily meal, if i remembered to eat at all; and, eventually, lots of crying and self-doubt when i realized how much time and energy was put into the event–in comparison to the number-based-results (views, comments, subscribers, giveaway entries, etc) that just barely reached my original expectations–and how little i was following the self-love and -care advice that this event stands for.

To put it short: I desperately need to learn to take better care of myself.

Next time we host another blog party…I will be doing things differently to make sure that i put my mental, emotional, and physical health first–while still striving to give you guys an excellent time.

Getting extremely real with you.

I’m currently seeking out mental health help. After about 8 years of wondering if i have bipolar disorder (and anxiety), i’m finally gathering all of my strength to set up the appointments needed to find out, and to be given direction on how to better manage the mental and emotional difficulties i’ve been facing. Truth be told: It took enough strength to simply pull together courage to beg my mom for help navigating the heathcare system (she’s been the one making the phone-calls while i’ve been too shakey too handle them myself…). 

Additionally, i’m re-examining the future of Story Behind The Cloth and working on planning what comes next, trying to figure out how to kill my perfectionism…and job hunting. I’ve been without an income for a year now and am sick of feeling like i’ve lost all of my independence. Change needs to happen.

So, between all these things, Story Behind The Cloth is likely to be quiet for a little while. I have so much to figure out concerning this blog and my personal and professional life!

Thank you all for being such an encouragement through this journey…Just being my readers means the world to me!

Any feedback you have concerning Story Behind The Cloth–what you’ve loved and wish for more of, as well as criticisms, plus what you haven’t yet seen on here that you would be thrilled to find in the future!