Love is the Greatest Adventure.

Written in September 2020. Outfit worn on September 3rd, 2020.

Your Love Was My Favorite Adventure Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog adventurous romantic outfit 1
I’ve been frustrated and extremely careful not to ask myself, “What do you want?” because the answer is always and immediately: “To go home to Cody.”

Not so much the bus (that i want to turn into a tiny house) and the adventurous life, not to travel the entire world and experience everything under the sun, not even to meet interesting people and hear their stories or to set out to change the world into something more understanding, empathetic and fair. Things i thought i wanted more than anything–things i KNOW i still do want deep down.

I remind myself of those things and my natural response to them is now: “Well, i guess that could maybe, possibly be nice…”

I’ve become largely uninterested in it all. Becuase i don’t have what i want most.
It. Sucks. It’s dumb. I wish i could change how i feel with a snap of my fingers…But that’s unreasonable.
Break ups suck.
Things i forever thought i desired, existed for, needed in order to have a life worth living… They feel minuscule and uninspiring, lacking life and warmth.
don’t get home sick…..

…Or, at least i didn’t.

This is a sickness i never could have imagined. A longing that devours all other longings.

It nauseates me, it makes me feel weak and lightheaded and unable to think straight. It hurts like nothing else.

And all it is is a desire for a return trip. Longing for an uncomfortable journey to be over.

Never once have i ever had these feelings about even the most grueling moments of an adventure.

I’ve always taken the worst as part of the beauty of the journey. I’ve always been left excited, relentless in pursuit of what’s around the bend. Forever unwilling to return to the mundane.

That no longer comes as easy. I long too restlessly for the comfort of his arms.

..To “go home to Cody”, though?… To a place that i logically know is not my home?

–but my heart keeps screaming that it is, that wherever he is, is home, and it won’t shut up.

Your Love Was My Favorite Adventure Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog adventurous romantic outfit scaled
I don’t really have a place to call home.

Next thing i know, i’ll finally be on the road…Genuinely without a permanent, traditional home.

That used to be an idea that would excite me and send wonderful chills down my spine…

“Alissa the nomad”.

For as long as i can remember i deeply believed that was my one and only possible destiny, the only thing that could ever make me feel whole. Reckless adventures. A life full of this elusive, so-called, “meaning”. Even a life that might end in a tragic, early death–*that* somehow comforted me most of all.

I’ve realized that dreaming of adventure was the main coping mechanism i clung to using because i didn’t feel safe. The idea of throwing myself into potential danger made me feel in control.

Now it’s begun to feel like my only choice. Something almost purely practical. I want to really want it again–I’m back to needing it for a (mostly false) sense of security–but it’s hard to step away from real security after you finally had it.
Knowing Cody brought me contentment for the first time in my life and an immense feeling of safety, stability, and comfort that i never knew was possible–or desirable. He made me want to stop running away. I felt at home for the first time.
To go back to running away feels foolish.
And incredibly empty.
But what can i do?
It feels equally foolish to hope, though. To act like i have any right to try. To act like anything can or should be repaired.

Even though our problems feel so small to me…

I have to accept and move forward.

…”What do you want, Alissa?”…… That’s the question with the answers that only make me feel dejected and afraid.
But it’s not healthy to have to avoid asking myself what i hope for out of life.
I’m working to rediscover all new things to be glad to live for. It’s harder than it ought to be. I had what i didn’t know i wanted most.
I know i am capable of finding happiness, though i don’t always believe it…I just wish i could still stand close beside the person with whom i felt the happiest i’ve ever felt in my life.
There’s nothing the world could offer that i could want more.
I already found happiness, and now i grieve it.
The only adventures i truly need are the beautifully simple day-to-day ones…
In my eyes, what we had was perfect.

Exploring the depths of your personality, your mind, your heart…That was a journey in and of itself. A road that never reached an end.

Cody, your love was my favorite adventure.
Your Love Was My Favorite Adventure Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog adventurous romantic outfit 4 scaled
The Strength of Accepting Weakness

The Strength of Accepting Weakness

Accepting weakness begets strength.

I am queen of my darkness, and equally queen of my light.

I can own my struggles, i can own my pains, i can own those emotions that feel so very close to death.

They are mine, but i am not theirs.

I can relax in who i am, moment to moment, and see beauty even in the dark and quiet.

Connecting With Emotion

Connecting With Emotion

Spending some extra time deciding on my outfits is my favorite way to recognize my emotions and prioritize my mental health.
Artistic expression has always allowed me an avenue to slow down, explore, and find beauty in the things i feel.
Sometimes connecting with my emotions feels like pure magic… I find power in being in sync with how i feel and accepting myself as i am.

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I felt inspired to bring how i was feeling onto paper in the form of conceptual fashion sketches.

I thought i’d share them with you for two reasons:
1. To give hope that you’re not alone and that others understand what you’re going through.

2. To shed light on what mental health issues feel like–anxiety in particular–and hopefully bring in some more understanding and sympathy.

Fashion + Self Love Party: Curbing Unhealthy Spending & Loving the Wardrobe You Already Have

Guest post by Lindsey from Have Clothes, Will Travel.
Living in a day and age where everywhere we turn there is pressure to buy the latest and greatest fashion makes it very easy to fall into the “retail therapy” trap. And to make it even more difficult, our brain actually releases the pleasure-inducing chemical dopamine when you buy something new…
…getting addicted to this high is not only bad for your overall self-esteem, it can, obviously, be very damaging to your wallet.
However, I’ve taken a few measures to correct this…
… the trick to it all is creating the illusion you have a ton of clothes by swapping out key pieces when styling your outfits with clothes you already own.

Fashion + Self Love Party: How To Fall In Love With Yourself This Valentine’s Day!

Guest post by Lena from Lena Dee XO.
Valentine’s is fast approaching and more than often we’re caught up on having a love life with someone else. I bet you sometimes forget it’s okay to be madly in love with yourself and the person you’re becoming. I’m here to remind you NOW is the time to embrace yourself!

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I do not believe that false “joy” and stagnant “hope” are the answer…But i do believe that happiness can be discovered in little things when you feel like it’s nowhere to be found. When we’re able to find true happiness, we gain power to free ourselves, both on an emotional level and in a way that allows us to more easily work towards our goals, which will set us free on a more tangible level.

Never Have I Ever – #FashionSelfLoveParty Game – Self-Care Edition

Never Have i Ever – Self-Care Edition.

1 point for everything you HAVE done!
Have you made good progress in taking better care of yourself?
Share: How many points did you get??
What are you missing?…Which one will you work on today?

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Color Psychology Questionnaire Results

It was so enjoyable reading all of your answers on the color psychology questionnaire! I’m excited to share with you the results, as well as further color psychology research to complement our study (just a little)! Some were surprising (Could orange be peaceful?; Could yellow be boring?), and others were pretty by-the-book, universally relatable (Red is passionate; Blue ranks as the top liked color; Gray is reminiscent of cloudy skies and seasonal depression).

More Fashion-Philosophy:

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Her confidence is unwavering, every day is an opportunity to be her best, and it truly shows in the playful professionalism of each outfit she wears. Her classy silhouettes elude her high standards for herself, and every pop of color gives way to her warm, open personality and kindheartedness. She’s incredibly sweet, passionate about life and people, and her upbeat attitude is inspiring.

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Pulling one piece of clothing out of your closet after another, glancing at each one before frustratedly throwing each one to the side with a huff of disappointment. After nearly pulling your hair out in frustration, you’ve finally settled on what to wear. You’re ready to face the world… Or are you? 

In this post, you will find seven things that will ruin your outfit… A forewarning that can give you direction away from what not to do.

Fashion + Self Love Party: Love Your Style, Love Yourself

Guest post by Alice from A Lot on Your Mind.
Two psychologists, Hajo and Galinksy (2012), coined the term ‘enclothed cognition’ which argues that your style reflects and affects your mood, health, and overall confidence. If our clothes affect our mood, why don’t we choose the clothes that express our best selves and will make us feel legitimately beautiful?
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Guest post by Lena from Lena Dee XO.
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This post will be looking not only at how to get the aesthetics right, but also at how to use character traits and storyline for inspiration, so we can get to the heart of the character we are portraying.

So, here are 8 aspects of costume and character design to consider before creating your character-based outfit:

Never Have I Ever – #FashionSelfLoveParty Game – Fashion Blunders Edition

Never Have I Ever – Fashion Blunders Edition!
We’re about to get REAL…

The most honest people win!
1 point for everything you HAVE done.
Share: How many points did you get?
Which one do you think is the hardest to overcome?

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A lot of people envy a work-at-home life, sitting around in pajamas all day. But i can’t stand this anymore. Though i’ve always known i don’t work my best unless i get up and dressed, i’ve still gotten caught in this lazy cycle.
So, this week, i decided i’m going to get all dressed up, even though i have nowhere to go.
Maybe this will help me, maybe it won’t. Maybe it will just give me more to panic over. But i figure it couldn’t be worse than just sitting around, having given up on trying.

Styles You’ll Enjoy If You Liked This Outfit:

Quaint Fashion Deals: Deep Discounts on Mori Kei and Cabincore Style Clothing

Quaint Style is charming, peaceful, sweet, and independent. Based off Mori-Kei and Cabincore/Cottagecore, It’s quirky but cozy…fit for a princess who’s grown accustomed to being lost in the woods.

Enjoy these quaint products at sales prices over 40% off while you can!

I regularly curate this page, so come back again to browse more newly discounted products in a few weeks.

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I challenged myself at the beginning of this week to stop being lazy about my outfits just because i have nowhere to go, and instead start getting dressed up in clothes that make me feel good about myself that day.

I was surprised just how much more empowered i’ve been feeling with this simple task. By putting on clothes i love, and doing so for no apparent reason besides deciding i want to, i’ve also been putting on confidence.

What do you think? Will you try getting #AllDressedUp this week and see what it does for you?

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We get to create who we want to be.
We get to watch life unfold.
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What do you hope to “write” in this next chapter of your life?

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The day didn’t start out fantastic, but…I’m going to be fair to myself, with a focus on self-care and making sure i’m comfortable–first and foremost–while still pushing myself to do all that is necessary so that i feel accomplished at the end of the day.

So i’ll start off with comfy clothes and accepting that this post is being published later than the other ones were.

Dressing Up With Nowhere to Go – Day 2

Starting your day off with one little thing that oozes confidence can go a long way in positively impacting your day–i think that’s why dressing up is helping me so far…plus, by dressing up, you’re carrying that confidence right over your skin….it’s close and touchable, and therefore easier to remember. If you feel comfortable in your own skin, it’s a little easier to feel comfortable with your mind and your soul.

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Charming clothing that is reminiscent of quiet and content, cabin-in-the-woods life–perfect for peaceful, sweet, nostalgic, quirky, independent (and especially introverted) individuals with a love for nature, creative works, and the idealistic thought of more simple, natural and relaxed living.
If that sounds like you, read on to learn how to create a wardrobe that is as Quaint as your soul, and slip into a quiet mindset as these nostalgic and cozy looks inspire a tranquil life full of simple pleasures and independence, surrounded by nature. With this charming, warm and comfy wardrobe strongly inspired by Mori-Kei (Japanese – Translates: “Forest Style”) you may experience a sense of peace and comfort in even the most hectic of days.

The Strength of Accepting Weakness

Accepting weakness begets strength.

I am queen of my darkness, and equally queen of my light.

I can own my struggles, i can own my pains, i can own those emotions that feel so very close to death.

They are mine, but i am not theirs.

I can relax in who i am, moment to moment, and see beauty even in the dark and quiet.

Happiness Is Freedom

I do not believe that false “joy” and stagnant “hope” are the answer…But i do believe that happiness can be discovered in little things when you feel like it’s nowhere to be found. When we’re able to find true happiness, we gain power to free ourselves, both on an emotional level and in a way that allows us to more easily work towards our goals, which will set us free on a more tangible level.

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