Open letter written on September 4th, 2020. Outfit worn on June 24th, 2020.

It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss Quote
For so long, i’ve told myself: “It isn’t love if it’s selfish”.

It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 16 scaled
It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 9 scaled
It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 19 scaled

There’s still nothing in me that has stopped believing that’s true.

It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 3 scaled

Desire paired with selfishness is only possessiveness and in action, it’s only consumption.

It’s cruel and it enslaves. It suffocates. It disregards the needs, wants, and desires of another. It inflicts pain to all involved.

It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 6
It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 5 scaled
It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 12

But what makes something selfish, anyway?
I’m not sure i actually know….. Is everything i want automatically selfish in my mind?… everything i think i can’t have?

It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 8 scaled

These beliefs have caused me to give up on fighting for what is lost.

It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 2

If desire or adoration–of any kind–isn’t reciprocal, i’ve considered it vile.

I’ve told myself that even if it once was mutual, it isn’t noble to try and rekindle it. That would be a selfish act for a lost cause.

It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 13 scaled

This has brought me an immense amount of fear, pain, and self-loathing.

It has caused me to withhold from telling you just how deeply i adore you, and just how deeply i grieve.

I’ve gotten through these last few months by repeatedly shaming myself with those words.

“It isn’t love if it’s selfish. It isn’t love if it’s selfish…”

It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 14

Trying to snap myself out of feeling or wanting anything.

All it’s done is stunt my grieving process…it took me too long to realize how much i was hurting myself with it.

I need to love myself, too.

It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 11 scaled
It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 10 scaled
It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 18 scaled

As i discover what it looks like for me to be healthy, happy, and emotionally and mentally sound, i’m realizing more and more just how much i keep bottling up how i feel and trying to pretend my feelings don’t exist. Even (especially?) when they are positive feelings.

(How many times do i have to relearn this until it becomes a solid, stupid, simple habit? I don’t know.)

It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 4 scaled

Aside from the mass amount of fears and self-neglect i need to work through (and am currently, furiously fighting to improve)–the feelings that are most pertinent are in admiration, adoration, and care for you.

In all our 5 years knowing each other, there hasn’t been so much as a moment where the growth of these feelings has so much as slowed down.

It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 7 scaled

I’m finally telling myself that just because how i feel may not result in anything or have any benefit, doesn’t mean it’s selfish for me to feel it or express it.

I never imagined i could adore anybody so much.

I never knew i could feel so loved and so deeply cared about–Even by somebody who is no longer my romantic partner.

It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 1 scaled
It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 20 scaled
It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 17 scaled

You’re the greatest friend i could ever hope for, and i don’t know what i would do without you.

Yet there’s absolutely nothing i want more than–and absolutely nothing i wouldn’t give up for–a chance to love you completely and fully for the rest of my life.

I drive myself crazy thinking about how foolish that makes me feel, and trying to bury it all.

But i’ll say it. I’ll let it out without fear of whether it’s useful to say or not. Or whether it’s selfish.

I don’t want to live a life where i don’t get to be by your side.

It Isnt Love If Its Selfish Alissa Ackerman Story Behind The Cloth fashion blog post Summer Mori Kei gothic bohemian witchy romantic outfit Heartbreak breakup depression love loss 2 1

I can’t keep telling myself to bury that thought and pretend i don’t feel as pained as i do.

I can’t keep telling myself that it’s evil of me to long for the love that we had.

I don’t know that how i feel will ever go away… I truly don’t believe it will.

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The Strength of Accepting Weakness

The Strength of Accepting Weakness

Accepting weakness begets strength.

I am queen of my darkness, and equally queen of my light.

I can own my struggles, i can own my pains, i can own those emotions that feel so very close to death.

They are mine, but i am not theirs.

I can relax in who i am, moment to moment, and see beauty even in the dark and quiet.

Connecting With Emotion

Connecting With Emotion

Spending some extra time deciding on my outfits is my favorite way to recognize my emotions and prioritize my mental health.
Artistic expression has always allowed me an avenue to slow down, explore, and find beauty in the things i feel.
Sometimes connecting with my emotions feels like pure magic… I find power in being in sync with how i feel and accepting myself as i am.

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Fashion + Self Love Party: Savvy is Classy – A Sweet Mess in a Dress

Guest post by Deanna from Lucky.Love.Life.
I’ve never been one to believe that you have to spend a paycheck to look nice.
You don’t need an $850 dress, or pair of shoes, or handbag, to fit in or look amazing. Buy what makes you feel cute and inspired but remember your life is about experiences, not things. You need confidence, charisma, and a rockin’ smile. No matter what you are wearing, you’ll be dressed to the nines.

Never Have I Ever – #FashionSelfLoveParty Game – Fashion Blunders Edition

Never Have I Ever – Fashion Blunders Edition!
We’re about to get REAL…

The most honest people win!
1 point for everything you HAVE done.
Share: How many points did you get?
Which one do you think is the hardest to overcome?

Color Psychology Questionnaire

Many people have spoken on this topic, and i will do my best to compile the best and most applicable research i can find. But, especially because written knowledge on this topic is so saturated, and can be very opinionated because of personal and cultural differences, i don’t want to begin with simply passing on information. To me, it matters more that this is a discovery process for each of us…How do we as individuals perceive each color? How do they make you feel? Live data is so much more fun and personal! It will help me to create more relatable posts for you.

Sketches of Anxiousness – My Anxiety-Inspired Fashion Collection

I felt inspired to bring how i was feeling onto paper in the form of conceptual fashion sketches.

I thought i’d share them with you for two reasons:
1. To give hope that you’re not alone and that others understand what you’re going through.

2. To shed light on what mental health issues feel like–anxiety in particular–and hopefully bring in some more understanding and sympathy.

The Strength of Accepting Weakness

Accepting weakness begets strength.

I am queen of my darkness, and equally queen of my light.

I can own my struggles, i can own my pains, i can own those emotions that feel so very close to death.

They are mine, but i am not theirs.

I can relax in who i am, moment to moment, and see beauty even in the dark and quiet.

How Fashion Can Be Good for Your Mental Health

Would you believe me if i said that fashion can improve your mental health, and in more ways than one? Fashion and mental health can mix beautifully… Simply getting dressed can be a fantastic mental hygiene practice!

Here’s 10 ways fashion can be amazing for your mental health!

Color Psychology Questionnaire Results

It was so enjoyable reading all of your answers on the color psychology questionnaire! I’m excited to share with you the results, as well as further color psychology research to complement our study (just a little)! Some were surprising (Could orange be peaceful?; Could yellow be boring?), and others were pretty by-the-book, universally relatable (Red is passionate; Blue ranks as the top liked color; Gray is reminiscent of cloudy skies and seasonal depression).

Fashion + Self Love Party: Love Your Style, Love Yourself

Guest post by Alice from A Lot on Your Mind.
Two psychologists, Hajo and Galinksy (2012), coined the term ‘enclothed cognition’ which argues that your style reflects and affects your mood, health, and overall confidence. If our clothes affect our mood, why don’t we choose the clothes that express our best selves and will make us feel legitimately beautiful?
Here are some tips to owning your personal style:

7 Mistakes That Kill Your Outfit

Picture yourself:
Pulling one piece of clothing out of your closet after another, glancing at each one before frustratedly throwing each one to the side with a huff of disappointment. After nearly pulling your hair out in frustration, you’ve finally settled on what to wear. You’re ready to face the world… Or are you? 

In this post, you will find seven things that will ruin your outfit… A forewarning that can give you direction away from what not to do.

More Fashion-Philosophy:

Never Have I Ever – #FashionSelfLoveParty Game – Self-Care Edition

Never Have i Ever – Self-Care Edition.

1 point for everything you HAVE done!
Have you made good progress in taking better care of yourself?
Share: How many points did you get??
What are you missing?…Which one will you work on today?

Fashion + Self Love Party: Savvy is Classy – A Sweet Mess in a Dress

Guest post by Deanna from Lucky.Love.Life.
I’ve never been one to believe that you have to spend a paycheck to look nice.
You don’t need an $850 dress, or pair of shoes, or handbag, to fit in or look amazing. Buy what makes you feel cute and inspired but remember your life is about experiences, not things. You need confidence, charisma, and a rockin’ smile. No matter what you are wearing, you’ll be dressed to the nines.

8 Elements of Character Costume Design

Whether it’s for Halloween, Disney-bounding on vacation, or just for the fun of putting together an outfit that’s inspired by a favorite movie, TV, video game, or book character–I think we all enjoy getting into somebody else’s shoes every once in a while.

This post will be looking not only at how to get the aesthetics right, but also at how to use character traits and storyline for inspiration, so we can get to the heart of the character we are portraying.

So, here are 8 aspects of costume and character design to consider before creating your character-based outfit:

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Color Psychology Questionnaire Results

It was so enjoyable reading all of your answers on the color psychology questionnaire! I’m excited to share with you the results, as well as further color psychology research to complement our study (just a little)! Some were surprising (Could orange be peaceful?; Could yellow be boring?), and others were pretty by-the-book, universally relatable (Red is passionate; Blue ranks as the top liked color; Gray is reminiscent of cloudy skies and seasonal depression).

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“No matter what style I choose to wear, whether it’s streetwear or a whimsical style, colour and confidence will always be present.” – Tajinder Kaur

Tajinder is determined, talented, genuine, beautiful, and has a unique and vivid sense of style. What first brought her blog to my attention is the mix of her quirky style along with her beautifully raw poetry–It’s an example of a fashion blog that is truly a “must-read” and not just a “must-view”.

Read her Style Story to learn more about her:

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Witchy Hats for Halloween and Beyond

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Browse and shop my curated lists below for witchy hats that are elegantly classic enough to take you through this Halloween season and beyond!

Sketches of Anxiousness – My Anxiety-Inspired Fashion Collection

I felt inspired to bring how i was feeling onto paper in the form of conceptual fashion sketches.

I thought i’d share them with you for two reasons:
1. To give hope that you’re not alone and that others understand what you’re going through.

2. To shed light on what mental health issues feel like–anxiety in particular–and hopefully bring in some more understanding and sympathy.

Styles You’ll Enjoy If You Liked This Outfit:

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Enjoy these quaint products at sales prices over 40% off while you can!

I regularly curate this page, so come back again to browse more newly discounted products in a few weeks.

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So, this week, i decided i’m going to get all dressed up, even though i have nowhere to go.
Maybe this will help me, maybe it won’t. Maybe it will just give me more to panic over. But i figure it couldn’t be worse than just sitting around, having given up on trying.

The Strength of Accepting Weakness

Accepting weakness begets strength.

I am queen of my darkness, and equally queen of my light.

I can own my struggles, i can own my pains, i can own those emotions that feel so very close to death.

They are mine, but i am not theirs.

I can relax in who i am, moment to moment, and see beauty even in the dark and quiet.

Dressing Up With Nowhere to Go – Day 2

Starting your day off with one little thing that oozes confidence can go a long way in positively impacting your day–i think that’s why dressing up is helping me so far…plus, by dressing up, you’re carrying that confidence right over your skin….it’s close and touchable, and therefore easier to remember. If you feel comfortable in your own skin, it’s a little easier to feel comfortable with your mind and your soul.

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