These qualities tend to come out in my clothes, too: Comfy with slightly oversized silhouettes that swallow me up in coziness. Dainty A-line skirts that exude graceful femininity. Deep, muted colors that are comforting and friendly but tend to make me just blend into the background.
Deep down, i want this side of me to be able to come out. To be able to feel strong, sure, independent and able to stand up for myself and others.
At 23, i still haven’t been able to truly exercise my independence. I’ve always had a sense of shelter. I’m grateful for those times, but i long to grow.
I long to let these different aspects of myself intertwine into something more beautiful. Strong, but graceful; Seeking both justice and mercy in the very same heartbeat, without contradiction.
There’s a long journey ahead, and i need to trailblaze the path myself. The paths society has paved do not suit me. Attempting to walk them is dangerous to me and full of strife. “Normalcy” may not exist for me and i don’t want to attempt to adhere to it anymore. I MUST figure out how to make life work with my own needs.
SO, i’m gonna build a “skoolie” to live in!
I don’t really have a place to call
“home”. That used to be an idea that would excite me and send wonderful
chills down my spine… “Alissa the nomad”. For as long as i can remember
i deeply believed that was my
one and only possible destiny;
the only thing that could ever
make me feel whole.
Now all i want is to go home.
Through the entirety of almost 5 years together, every time i looked at him or heard him laugh, i felt like i was dreaming. My fear was waking up, not breaking up.