These qualities tend to come out in my clothes, too: Comfy with slightly oversized silhouettes that swallow me up in coziness. Dainty A-line skirts that exude graceful femininity. Deep, muted colors that are comforting and friendly but tend to make me just blend into the background.
Deep down, i want this side of me to be able to come out. To be able to feel strong, sure, independent and able to stand up for myself and others.
At 23, i still haven’t been able to truly exercise my independence. I’ve always had a sense of shelter. I’m grateful for those times, but i long to grow.
I long to let these different aspects of myself intertwine into something more beautiful. Strong, but graceful; Seeking both justice and mercy in the very same heartbeat, without contradiction.
Have you ever felt heartache so strong, so beautiful, so wonderfully painful;
…one that makes you sigh with relief, contemplating that you’ve lived and loved to the fullest you could possibly imagine…?
I wonder all the time if i sabotaged our relationship.
Together for 5 beautiful years…Over in the blink of an eye.
Am i the villain of my own story?
There’s a long journey ahead, and i need to trailblaze the path myself. The paths society has paved do not suit me. Attempting to walk them is dangerous to me and full of strife. “Normalcy” may not exist for me and i don’t want to attempt to adhere to it anymore. I MUST figure out how to make life work with my own needs.
SO, i’m gonna build a “skoolie” to live in!